august 18, 2025
on consumption and spending
“love it, believe it, as long as you can sell it”
Scowl – "Retail Hell"
return to blog home
when my point of existence, measured only in green
so much yet so little has changed in my life ever since my last blog. i remember being so excited to finally get my life back with my (then new) job, and now, i don't even think twice about it. insert obligarory "i love my job" memes here.
it's crazy how a full year of unemployment can change your perspective on just about everything. especially the financial side of things. now that i finally have some stability in my life, i can go back to focusing on my long term goals, such as getting my bachelor's, saving up to get my own place, and maybe save up to travel. but there was definitely a time where all of those goals seemed so out of reach, where my only goals in life were to make sure i had enough to eat and to keep a positive attitude in job hunting - even if i had already gotten 15+ rejection emails.
within the past few months of settling into this job, i'll admit, i was treating myself. every single trinket or tattoo i couldn't afford while i was unemployed, i bought. i also made a promise to myself that i would try to repay all my family who helped me out between jobs - it was the least i could do to show my appreciation for their help. when i was still broke, i developed a bit of a love for going thrifting. i'm glad that the habit didn't end once i got employed either - in fact, i think i've gotten most of my favorite office workwear from the thrift. sidenote: i even scored a portable cd player and a canon eos rebel s ii to add to my tech hoard. lately though, no matter where i go to shop, i've been showing more self-control over what i buy. do i really need another pair of khakis, or can i just restyle one of the pairs i already have at home? if i buy this game, will i actually play it, or am i just bored? does my office truly need more wall decor?
all these thoughts, plus the very-real rising cost of living and tariffs have made me hesitant on buying stuff all the time. it really doesn't help that products now just aren't built to last, ie. the planned obsolescence of iphones or fast-fashion companies producing clothing that frays and rips after a handful of washes. before my unemployment, i didn't think too much about all of this stuff. online shopping was a huge guily pleasure of mine. but the reality is, a lot of the stuff i've bought over the years either never gets used, or i get bored of it after it stops being 'new'.
no, it's not a sin to want to buy stuff: after all, marketers and advertisers want consumption at the forefront of our minds from the cradle to grave. you can't fault yourself for wanting a 7 brew white chocolate mocha chiller or a new local hardcore band t-shirt every now and then. but personally, i think that i've at least exhausted my wallet for now. and who knows, maybe i'll go back to my old spending habits a week or so from writing this. but in the present, these are my thoughts.